Lessons from Elly:
It has officially been more than a month since we brought home our porcine housemate. And while most days are a good time, there have been a few that leave me exhausted.
Case in point – Last Wednesday.
Wednesday is an early day for me.. an insanely early day that starts at about 3:30am. By the time I come home later in the afternoon I am pretty much a vegetable, interested in little more than TV and sleep. On this particular Wednesday.. Elly had different plans. Just as I flopped over on the couch with ONE WHOLE HOUR to rest before getting our daughter from school, Elly takes a squat and pees next to me on my area rug. “PIG!!! NOOOOOOO!” I shout! “BAD BAD PIG!!!” I haul her into our bathroom and shut her in there with her litter box! As I walk back to the couch Elly is angrily honking like a mad goose from inside the bathroom door. I throw a pillow over my head and sleep for exactly 38 minutes.
(39 minutes later)
I approach the bathroom door. Elly resumes honking like an enraged goose. I open the door and she has tipped over her litter box. Everything is covered in pine shavings. Oh well. I let the noisy pig out and go get the child from school. Upon returning home we start prepping to make pumpkin pie together. Elly still seems miffed. I take her outside. Pig pees. I bring her inside.. pig squeezes retaliation turd out at base of stairs. “PIG!! NOOOOOOOO!” I shout!! “BAD PIG!!!” I put her in our mudroom with the door shut and her litter box. The daughter and I make pie. Elly noisily moans, groans, cries, and honks from behind the door.
(45 minutes later)
The pie is baking… The child is doing her homework. Elly walks right next to me and takes a pee by my feet! ARGHHH! I decide to take desperate measures. I text pig breeder Jenna:
Me – Elly is being a pain! She is following me around peeing and leaving retaliation turds in the hopes that I step into them and fall to my death.
Pig Breeder Jenna – Pigs at this age are like pre-teens. She is MAD at you! You need to make nice with her!
Me – Seriously! How am I suppose to make nice with the pig! She is out to get me!!
Pig Breeder Jenna – If she is unhappy with you she is going to purposely seek revenge. Pigs don’t like being yelled at. Your going to have to make peace with her. I keep my pigs as happy as possible! happy pigs.. happy house!!
Me – Arrghh! Fine! I will feed her pumpkin and apologize!
(a short time later)
I feed Elly pumpkin. She is elated. 5 minutes later.. she pees by my feet! I holler at the pig and decide to take this moment to text the husband at work!
Me – The pig is being an asshole!!!!
Husband – You need to make nice with her! You two are always fighting!
Me – OMG
(Minutes later after a good mad cry while cleaning up the 5th pile of pee)
I muster up my friendly voice and hand feed the pig veggies and fruits. We talk.. share our hurt feelings with each other.. snuggle.. and retreat. I complain to her that it makes me SAD when she pees by my feet.. or on my rug for that matter! And that I know those turds were in spite not necessity! The pig walks over to her box.. smiles and pees in her litter. No more accidents. Fine pig. You win again!